Topic: AM I FIT FOR MARRIAGE?

Text: 1 Cor 13: 4 – 7

Am I fit for marriage? This question is very important because for us to take any decision, our fitness matters. Recently, a young lady broke the Guinness World Record cooking marathon by cooking for 100 hours. We all know that cooking for 100 hours is not something you can achieve when you are not fit, because cooking for 100 hours is not natural. It means that there must have been trainings, physical and psychological preparations for her to have attained that fitness level. Likewise, every great footballer must go through the fitness test. In the same way, fitness is very key for marriage. After your salvation, the next important decision you must get right is your marriage. This is very critical because marriage determines virtually everything about us. Marriage determines even the perfect fulfillment of our destinies. A man can have his destiny delayed, denied and destroyed once he marries wrongly; the same thing goes for a woman who marries wrongly. It is therefore important for us to put ourselves through the marriage fitness test to determine if we are truly ready for marriage, or we are simply being told that we are ready. Many a times, the world and societal pressures can make a person think that he/she is ready for marriage; people may even ask what you are waiting for. However, you must ask yourself: Am I ready to marry, or am I being told that I am ready?

The test for readiness in marriage is the Love Test. The Book of 1 Corinthians 13 spoke extensively about love. Love is long suffering, kind, does not compare, and is not proud or arrogant. All forms of lustful desires are not love, and so we have to differentiate it. [1Cor 13:4 – 7]. The reason is that while we talk about marriage and love, it is lust that clouds the eyes of many people. Love is not selfish, not easily provoked, does not plot evil against others. Unfortunately, it is not everyone that is going into marriage because they have good plans for their partners. Some agree to get married because they see something that they intend to benefit from their partners and that is not love.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity, endure all things, believes all things [i.e. trust], hopes all things [i.e. believes that there is a future]. Most importantly, you must note that the only qualification for marriage is Maturity. This is because no individual can fully express who love is, or understand the fullness of love based on the foregoing characteristics if there is no maturity in such individual. Hence, it is not everybody that tells you “I love you,” that truly understands what love means. More often than not, what they actually mean is “I lust after you.” Using the modern day English, many people refer replace love with “crush,” and this is referred to as “lust language” and not “love language.”

Maturity is the major fitness test that a single person must pass when we discuss the subject of marriage. There are seven [7] kinds of maturity that an individual must check to know if he/she is qualified for marriage. Nonetheless you must note that there are no late-comers in marriage, and there is no need to rush into marriage so that you do not rush in and rush out of marriage. Therefore we need to consider these 7–Maturity Standards that we must meet. Once these standards are met, marriage itself comes for such person. These fitness checks are listed as follows:

Spiritual Maturity – Can you pray for yourself? Do you have understanding of the word of God, or what God is saying to you through his word? Have you been able to discern the voice of God? For many people, the first time they will say “the Lord told me” is on the matter of marriage. Many young men do not have any track record of God talking to them until they approach a sister to say that the Lord spoke to them to marry that sister. Likewise, the first time some sisters would say that they heard God was when they said NO to a brother because the brother did not look like what they want.

Spiritual maturity therefore entails that there should have been track record of you hearing God and being able to discern his voice. You should at least know how God has been talking and communicating with you so much that you are no longer confused about what God is saying concerning other areas of your life like career, business, education, location to reside, denomination to worship with, clothing to put on, etc. By implication, it means that if God has not been speaking to you before, then you are not spiritually mature for marriage. When you get into marriage and face issues and circumstances that test your spirituality, you may not have the capacity to stand. Are there issues that test our spirituality in marriage? Yes! I have seen young people that look very okay, but when marriage came they realised that life is a battle. In other words, many people are not aware that life is a battle, the realisation only dawns on them once they get married. I had a junior colleague at work; a very smart, sharp and wonderful lady. Three weeks after she got married and resumed back to work, she fainted and we all assumed she was pregnant. She was rushed to the hospital and was diagnosed with five different infirmities that will never allow her to get pregnant. There are days she would be rushed to the hospital because she felt as if water was being boiled in her stomach. Other times, they would have to remove massive fibroids from her. One time she was operated upon, and the surgeon ended up cutting other vital organs that should not be touched. Note that there were no symptoms of those infirmities prior to her wedding, the battle started the moment she got married. We carried out spiritual investigation and discovered that there were strong battles from both her husband’s family and her own family. She is the only Christian from a Muslim family and her husband was the most successful person in his family, and so they were being dealt with from both sides. The spirituality of both couple was being tested.

Brethren, you need to build your spiritual muscle because your spirituality will be tested in marriage. In marriage, there is battle and so if all you do is go to Instagram to learn about marriage, you will miss the point. Beautiful couple photos and videos are merely Instagram pictures, they are not the reality of marriage. The reality is that married couples fight their way through battles to enter their next stage; and if you do not listen to their stories you will never understand what they have been through.

Spiritual maturity also encompasses character. Many times, your pastor would advise you to imbibe some good Christian characters, not for the church, but because you need them in marriage.

Emotional Maturity – You are bound to have problems, issues and challenges in marriage if you do not have a full grasp/control over your emotions at this stage. Do you cry over little things? Then, you must know that there are many other issues that will emerge from those little things once you are married. This is why a new field of study called Emotional Quotient was created in the 90s because it was discovered that even some intelligent folks do not have the capacity to manage their emotions at work place, and so they fail despite their intelligence. Emotional maturity is very important in marriage as you cannot continue crying to your parents’ house each time you face challenges in marriage. Some persons get angry at the slightest provocation; they have no control over their anger. However, every beautiful and long-lasting marriage you see is a product of couples that have mastered and controlled their emotions. That is not to say that their emotions were not tested; nevertheless they conquered their emotions. Emotional maturity requires you to be in control over situations or things that are likely to get out of control. I have counselled couples over funny situations, and I discovered that many of those cases are as a result of their inability to control their emotions.

Physical Maturity – This means that marriage is not for boys and girls. It is not for boyfriends and girlfriends. In fact, if you are still playing girlfriend to someone at age 23 and vice versa, it means you are not yet ready to get married. At that age, you need to have been serious about marriage. In the western culture, you are permitted to be married even at 19 years old. For instance, T.D. Jakes was already married at 19 years. Unfortunately, the African culture has conditioned us into thinking that a 19 year old is not matured to get married. That is why some of them still behave like children at that age. However, physical maturity matters. This is why we always counsel that a lady should be at least 21 years and a man should be at least 25 years of age before venturing into marriage because we believe that they should be sensible at that age. Unfortunately, many waste their time in unserious relationships thereby creating soul ties with numerous individuals. Imagine creating soul ties with about 17 to 25 people in the name of love relationships. Such people only end up leaving fragments of themselves with those individuals whom they had intercourse with. Note also that marriage to under aged spouses [e.g. 11/12 year olds] is very unhealthy. It is medically wrong, psychologically wrong and wrong in all areas.

Psychological Maturity – How prepared is your mind to enter into marriage? Are you ready for marriage? Many psychologically immature persons think that marriage is a roller coaster where you travel all over the world to have fun. Psychological maturity is key. If you are not psychologically mature, it will weigh you down because marriage is a responsibility.
Economical Maturity – If the income of you and your intended spouse combined together is very little, then you should not rush into marriage. Take your time to pray and tell God to change your economic situation first. The reason is that frustration would set in, especially if you live in a nation like Nigeria. Money matters in marriage. Financial maturity matters too. In reality, every family should have at least three to four sources of income. You must prepare for the world you are about to enter into. A brother was on a journey into marriage and so he was actively searching for a wife. One day God spoke to him and said: “go and look for money.” This is shocking but it is the truth because God knows that he would suffer if he marries without sufficient finances. Many of the struggles and pains in marriage are as a result of unstable finances. A stable finance would ensure that many things run smoothly and relieve you of some stress. This means that you need to focus on growing a business while you wait for marriage. You need to put your mind in your career and secure your job while you pursue marriage. Don’t be too concentrated on marital issue to the extent that they are already contemplating of sacking you, because your finances matter.
Sociological Maturity – Many people are not social. Once you bring the topic of marriage, they will say they are introverts. Some have not learnt how to relate with people properly. If you are the type that is saucy and rude in relating with people, then marriage may be a bit far. Even if you manage to get married, there would still be problems in the marriage. The way you relate with people, both male and female, matters a lot. If people within the church system are already complaining about the way and manner you talk and relate with people, you need to watch it because more complains would come from your spouse about you in marriage. If you cannot keep relationship with your co-workers, colleagues, neighbours, etc., you may find it difficult to keep a relationship with your spouse. So you have to be mature in your relationship with people. Beloved, remember that to err is human and so people will offend you, but it takes social maturity for you to forgive them. I know of a young man that warns his siblings to shun and stay away from any friend that offends him. The reality is that you cannot keep pushing off everyone due to offences because you do not know the person that would lift you up tomorrow. You must be social enough to manage people and have a heart to forgive them no matter their offence. It is social maturity to know that there is no perfect being; we are all work in progress. So if you are waiting for Mr Perfect or Miss Perfect, the good news is that you will never such a person. Rather, you can meet an imperfect person and work together to achieve every other thing.

In addition, loving yourself as you are is part of being sociologically mature. You do not need to look like another person. In fact looking at yourself as less of a person is a sign that you are still immature. Even if you are a dwarf, you can still marry a spouse that is taller than you.

6.Experiential Maturity – This is your capacity to manage the experiences you have had in the past. You cannot say because someone broke your heart, then every good person becomes a victim of your broken heart. Since many people claim to have given their hearts to Jesus, one can only wonder how it got broken in Jesus’ hand. Once you have given your heart to Jesus, then you are unbreakable. Beloved, you must see yourself in a more-than-conqueror position. Experiential maturity is the ability to manage your emotions and experiences such that you do not allow your experiences to override the good intentions of others towards you. It is experiential maturity to allow other people to at least come into your life and show what they are capable of, before you use your experiences as a yardstick to shove them of. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your heart, allow healing in your heart and do not put your experiences on another person or blame an entire gender because of it. It is like a woman saying that “all men are scum” because of past unfavourable experiences with some of them.

When you lack all-round maturity:

It will lead to frustration in marriage – Many people are already frustrated in marriage, because this maturity cannot be seen in them.
It can lead to crisis – Some couples always have outsiders come into their homes daily to settle fight. But your home does not need to be a wrestling field.
In some cases, it can lead to depression – Many married people are depressed. Even when they greet you with a smile, you would still perceive that there is depression in their hearts. The sad truth is that, a depressed person will remain stagnant and unable to progress in many things. Beloved, you do not need a depressing home, you need a home filled with continuous joy and so you must step up in your maturity.
It can lead to sickness – After marriage, some people develop high blood pressure, hypertension, etc. Note that they did not suffer from such illnesses before marriage, but these illnesses are signs that there is trouble in the home.
In some cases, infidelity sets in – In essence, the couple fight so much that they are no longer appealing to each other, and so they begin to find solace in other persons outside which ultimately results in immorality.
It can lead to early death – A good number of deaths among 40 and 50 year olds were not meant to happen if the home was stable. Those deaths happened because those people gave up on life. They were fed up with living and gave up the ghost.
It can cause stagnancy in vision – Immaturity can stagnate a person’s vision in marriage. Some people realise after about 15 years in marriage that they had long given up on their goals in life.
It can lead to ministerial failure – Those with calling on their lives can lose their ministerial grace as a result of immaturity in marriage.
Many marital issues end up in divorce.
You may end up with mental breakdown.

Conclusion

If you must be prepared and fit for marriage, then you have to grow in maturity. Once you mature, then you realise that beyond your age, you will be able to work on other areas that matter to become a person and manage others better. Generally, if you can manage humans around you well, you will be able to manage your spouse better. You will know how to manage his/her excesses well because all individuals have their excesses. No one is an angel, people have excesses and it is your capacity to manage them that makes you a mature individual.

Prayer

Lord, help me as I work on myself in the name of Jesus